How To Be As Mystical And Sublimely Jarring As A TOOL Song
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So, you want to exude the cosmic gravitas of Lateralus, the existential dread of ‘Schism’, and the downright chaos of ‘Ticks & Leeches’. Congratulations! You’ve set your sights on becoming an entity so enigmatic that even your pet won’t fully understand you.
Follow these steps, and you’ll soon be vibrating on a higher frequency, unnerving everyone around you with your otherworldly aura… Because Nirvana wasn’t edgy enough, huh?
1. Speak in Metaphors That Sound Profound (But Maybe Aren’t)
Why say, “I’m tired,” when you can say, “My spirit is tethered to the floor by the gravity of existence”? Regular people talk in sentences; you talk in cryptic riddles that may or may not have a point. Bonus points if you accompany this with an inscrutable stare, as if you’re perceiving…
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