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Are You Tired Of Trying To Please Everyone? Here’s A Few Tips On How Not To Be The Office Door Mat

today24 April 2021


Do you find yourself having to abandon your own work to help someone else with their tasks? Do you say yes to everyone’s requests just to make them happy? Are you that person that’s piled up with work while everyone else goes out to party? We’ll try to help you fix these problems!


1. Find Your Internal Validation

If you’re always looking to please others, it means you’re seeking appreciation and validation. Which means you’re basing your confidence on the feedback of others. Try to rely on your internal validation. Think about what makes YOU feel good. Once you discover that, you’ll feel free from the need to hear it from others. Remind yourself that you have a lot going on, and you don’t need to hear it from someone else’s mouth.


2. Remind Yourself That You Can’t Please Everyone

Everyone doesn’t have to like you. It’s completely fine. Because when you’re trying to please everyone, you’ll end up out-doing yourself. You try to do things that you completely disagree with, which will make you less passionate about executing it. This attitude shows low self-esteem, showing that you only like yourself when others do, and that’s not okay!


3. Be Firm, Yet Courteous

For people pleasers, saying ‘no’ usually has to follow up with lengthy explanations on why you chose to reject. When in reality, you actually aren’t obliged to give a lengthy explanation, or any explanation at all. So instead of saying ‘no’, try “I’m sorry I can’t right now but will let you know when and if I can”. This approach lets the person asking know that they are not the priority right now, while giving you the flexibility to return at a time convenient to you.


4. Assertive Communication

You can still say no and be polite about it. It takes time to understand how in the actual situation, but here are some examples:

“No thank you, but it sounds lovely.”

“Perhaps another time, how about next week?”

“It’s too bad I’m busy, but do let me know how it went.”

“Thank you for inviting me but I’m sorry I can’t at this time.”

“I would love to help out but I’ve got too much on my plate right now.”

“The event sounds amazing. Too bad I am stuck this week. “

“It doesn’t work for me right now.”

“I am in the middle of something right now. But i will give it a go if I get done before my shift ends.”

So try to take control of your life. It’s not really about making it all about you, but rather less about everyone else!


Photo Credit: Sammy Williams

Written by: Mifzal Malik

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